My early conclusion however, was explicitly, not to write. I figured the most valuable thing I could do with my life was to have a daughter (or adopt one), teach her to write, teach her to fight and then I'd just quietly die, having outlived my usefulness.
A friend wisely told me that was stupid. He said I would probably do more harm to the world by stifling my voice, then if I just went ahead and put it out there. He was probably right, but more than that (even as I write this) I realize that my early sentiment was just another well-intentioned but misguided act of deification. I had made a higher power out of my unborn fantasy daughter. What a bum wrap, to have a dad who has mistaken you for a deity!
What has actually happened, is that I am not a father, in spite of some serious dad-skills. I have become a creative mentor for teens. In my experience with teens, I have learned a lot about myself as an artist as well as the challenges facing our younger generation of technology natives: aka, the iY generation, aka, screen-agers.
Writing is a diminishing skill amongst this generation, in spite of the speed and hypertextuality of their communication skills. To make matters worse, even here in Omaha, where the economy has remained very stable, public school funding is still, in part determined by property taxes. There is additional funding for schools that is mitigated by all sorts of factors: free and reduced lunches, teacher performance, attendance/enrollment, and of course, standardized testing results. From my perspective, both funding systems are slanted against people of lower incomes and increasingly so against people of color who live in neighborhoods and go to schools that are not almost-all-white and suburban. I don't know how any elected official can look themselves in the mirror, when our public schools are still mired in pre-civil rights systems. Here is a no brainer: if a student goes to a public school in this city they should each receive the same dollars per student in every school, no exceptions.
So why the tangent? I've been reflecting that, as I get older, my own ideas and priorities are becoming less personal and less specific. Maybe my ideas are getting bigger. Equality for young people, regardless of their gender, race or background. I am less concerned with being a dad and more interested in acting in service of young people. Yes, I want the young women especially, to rise to power and be totally badass. However, I've grown to understand that abstracting a gender into ideas is silly. If I build any relationship when I have not cultivated a healthy sense of self love in myself, that relationship is going to be less positive. The more I come to peace with myself, the more I am capable of giving and receiving love. Perhaps more importantly, I am becoming better at cultivating self love in other people. Now that is something worth living for.
It seems like a good thing to write about. More misadventure of a self reliant and kooky author soon!
-Thom
