The Turnip

Just looking at my desktop, a file containing the final proof of my novel is abbreviated. I mistook it for a moment to be the Turnip. Wondering if this is a sign. I happen to love turnips. I highly recommend re-exploring them if it has been awhile since you have roasted a turnip.

What is all this leading too? Why, fear of course. I work as a mentor by day and my young artist mentees are facing down a hard deadline this week. I find myself thinking/saying stupid things, like, 'you are accountable for every hour of the last 10 weeks'. Terrible thing to say.

It takes me an hour or so to write a blog and give it a once over and I definitely gotten behind. I am behind on everything. My print release is dragging along so slow, it may as well be dead in the water. Of course, this Summer has been insane. I am pulled in 5 different direction every day. Self care is out the window. I am struggling just to eat consistently and stay cool headed. But when I look back over the last three months... and hold myself accountable for every hour.

Yuk. It makes me feel like a failure. That is not a primer for creativity, or incentive for productivity. More like grounds for self mutilation... no. nope. no good.

Fear is always there. It is always holding its hand up to me. Every day it says 'Stop'. And most days I do. Well, I rarely stop, I just keep running circles around the projects that I care most about. The projects that make me vulnerable. I fear the stuff I make. So, I usually spend most of my time making stuff for other people, or helping them make their stuff.

So... I am a mentor. Its true. For young people. I help motivate them every day, with words like, 'Your work is valuable. Go further. You are really growing as an artist. Push past the point of comfort! Fear is the Mindkiller. ' Those feel pretty good.

Though, I dont have any turnips in my house, I am gonna water my garden, then make some pasta. Then sleep peacefully knowing tonight, I discovered the title of the next great American novel.